"...the most important relationship to have is with yourself...because no matter what happens you will always be with yourself."

-Diane Von Furstenberg

Monday, August 23, 2010

the right word is...

the first day was everything i imagined and more!!!!! i have amazing classes with a bunch of friends and fun teachers. this year will be awesome. no doubt. unlike last year when i had crappy teachers crappy classes with no friends at all. it was super. junior year will be epic. tomorrow we play cinco ranch for volleyball with means i have to see someone im not too fond of from my club team...blah oh well we will beat them and then leave no big deal but i also get to see the rest of my team this weekend at the tournament were going to...soooo excited. well i saw him yesterday i asked him if he would bring me my shorts and he wanted to meet me half way which i thought was stupid but i needed them for volleyball so we met at kroger. he gave me the shorts and we talked. i have to admit he looked good, his hair is shorter his face is shaven and his skin has cleared up and his eyes were really blue. so so blue. but we talked and that was good then we left. hugged twice but whose counting? oh yeah...i am. i did not feel like crying after i saw him though so i count that as a success. i do see ben in the hallways which is really good i texted him earlier and said hey i saw you but i didnt know if i should have said hi so i didnt and he asked why not and i explained how i felt like it would be like a sneak attack coming up from behind and just start talking but he said no he wouldnt care and that i should say hi tomorrow so...yayyyyyy i actually giggled and smiled all goofy when i read it. no i dont like him. we are friends. its just nice to not necessarily be wanted but appreciated is a better one...nope not that either i guess wanted is right just wanted in a different way. so will be saying hi tomorrow when i see him on my way to 6th period. there is also a skink in my room. that freaks me out and im trying not to be on the floor for very long periods of time hopefully it will move on by the time i wake up. oh and we got out of 20 towel pushes today thank the lord. so all in all it has been a terrific day.

more than content but not happy because that is too generic so ill stick with elatedly yours,

Saturday, August 21, 2010

making history

just got back from the tournament we got second out of the entire thing. oh yeah and we made history...no joke. it was the first time consol has ever gotten that far in this tournament. so im super tired. we played 3 games back to back to back. the first two went to 3 and the second we lost in 2. he texted me today. HA! he texted me i find success in this i asked if he wanted to hang out tomorrow before school starts but he might have to work which i cant tell if its an excuse or truth but oh well. i do need my shorts back so we will see about that. school starts on monday!!!! yayyyyyy im soooo ready! and now im really tired and cant really think of anything else to say, soooooo.....

successfully yours,

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

marble slab romance...again.

so today like i predicted was not exciting...

but here is what went down last night. i was looking at prom pictures and thinking hey these are just mine i forgot he had some on there too so why dont i look at them...oh yeah they arent there!!! yeah he deleted all of the pictures of just me and him. i find this entirely depressing. so i texted him saying "alright so can i ask why you took off all of the prom pictures?" 30 mins later"im not mad or anything just surprised "i really wasnt mad and only surprised i didnt expect him to do that but i did at the same time. i knew he did it with his ex but i thought that was more because she was bitchy. i didnt think he would do it though because we ended better, kind of, and he broke my heart so he should feel bad about that. anyways his reply in the morning was "i just always do it eventually" 2 hours later"sorry : (" when i woke up "okay its nothing to be sorry about i just wanted to make sure you werent like ashamed of me or anything" response "no i just never keep up pictures of people i used to date its just a thing of mine" reply "haha thats cute" end of conversation. that was my night. woke up went to lunch with haley and kailey went home forgot to make kelseys cd and then went to volleyball. went to dinner with the team and then won a game. my life is a broken record. plus side cmac announced that we are going straight to schiliterbahn tomorrow before our tournament....EXCITED!!! yesss i was suppose to go with him and his friends and then we broke up. its whatever. but i still get to go...woohoo! so that will be out of the norm and exciting and fun and a bunch of other adjectives i cant think of. i finished packing about 10 minutes ago and im pretty confident that my duffel will not weigh over or even close to 36.6 pounds like it did last weekend..yeah it was ridiculous. SCHOOL STARTS IN 6 days!!!!!! im soooooo ready for school because this year will be a good year i can feel it. oh! kailey told me today that there is another guy working at marble slab that is about 6'2 (hopefully taller) named something i cant pronounce because he is russian and he is really hott. i told her to hook me up. on one hand i dont think i can handle another marble slab romance but on the other he is tall russian and hott. so i think the other hand might win on this one...yeah dont judge me.

moving on...maybe to russia,

Monday, August 16, 2010

heavy stuff for 11:20 at night

well today was slightly more suckish than just okay. i got to sleep in=plus. i had a 4 hour practice=minus. i got to sleep as late as i wanted which was great even though it was only till 8:30 ha yeah i know crazy right? so im awake and no one is home so i eat cereal and watch gilmore girls and then called my mom to see where she was. work. she was at work. duh?! how did i not already know that so i call the chiropractor next because my back has been bothering me and its uncomfortable. she told me to come in right then so i got dressed and thought hey while im out why dont i see if kailey wants to go to lunch and we will get anna to go too well i texted her and she had already eaten. bummer. she told me to text haley because she is feeling a little left out lately so i did. no reply. crap. so i go to freebirds by myself and have comments made about my height literally right behind my back by small children. that irritated me. i got my food and left to eat at home and watch more gilmore girls. then when i finished i got a text from haley saying her phone was dead so we are having lunch tomorrow. by now its about 1:30 and its time to get ready for volleyball because i have practice from 2:30 to 6:30...yay. we watched film the first 30 minutes and then practiced the rest of the time. it sucked. major butt. my knees are huge and bruised and my legs are dead. plus side i did get to go to target and kroger to shop for stuff i needed by myself which gave me some chill time to recover. i felt a lot better afterwards. well i have successfully written a lengthy paragraph about absolutely nothing. bully for me. maybe tomorrow will be more exciting. ha ive got jokes. like tomorrow would be anymore exciting then today. i have lunch with haley and then practice at 3 then a game at 6:30. boo my life is boring and predictable. i want school!!!!!!!! so bad. and someone to talk to. everynight. preferably of the male gender. not to talk to but just to chat. when its a guy i dont know it gives me a less empty feeling. just to know that someone of the opposite sex cares. doesnt even have to be someone i like okay maybe someone i like but not someone im interested in. lets face it honestly now that ive had a taste of the relationship life i dont like single life. i knew i would love it ive always known i would and i do. now that i dont have it i kind of have a sick empty feeling all of the time. and no just because i like having a boyfriend more than not doesnt mean i love him any less. i still do. GOD! is that terrible really? it has to be that someone could do that to me but i still love them in spite of it? i actually thought the other day when he texted me that i was over it and it didnt affect me anymore. wrong. he is still on my mind all day every day. im still thinking about him and being with him all of the time. his hugs kisses and laugh. all of the sweet things he said and the poems he wrote. i miss it. he was/is exactly what i want. the worst part? he doesnt feel that way about me. i dont think he ever did. i think he thought he did because i treated him better than his ex and i was more fun. plus his friends liked me. every one calls him stupid and dont worry he will realize what he lost eventually. thats just it...eventually. eventually could be anytime ever in the world. one where it wouldnt even matter if he did because i wouldnt be there anymore.

well im officially in a sucky mood.

drained, empty, vacant, wanting, dead,

p.s. man that was heavy

p.s.s. 11:20 is the date for state this year...creepy

stop lights are for stoping not for flirting

first off i would like to say thank you for posting one for me and then another. it definitely made my morning really happy.

we just got back from a tournament this weekend and we played well but could never finish the game so we ended up loosing a lot more then we really should have. i feel like i played well, a lot better on the second day though. i got a text from him too. and he texted me. made me i wouldnt say happy but i dont know pleased i guess is a better word, that he didnt just cut me off completely. i still need to get my shorts back from him. i also texted ben and sadly we do not have any classes together but maybe we will have lunch or see each other in the hallway. i talked to him all last night which was funny and told him to text me today if he wanted. guess he didnt want to. oh well its whatever. finally in the count down though. 7 days till school starts!! im so excited for this year i have classes with people i know and like and i have a really good schedule especially since i finished my english class for real this time. i just need to find out what im suppose to do with the text book they gave me at schedule pick up.

i went to church tonight for the first time in too long for the almost lock in. it started at 6 and we stayed there till 11:30. it was fun we played volleyball and lot of fun games. there was one guy there who resembled a guy that was in my tech class last year who i kind of was obsessed with and looking back i think wow really what were you thinking. i mean he was cute but he was short and pretty goofy. anyways though this kid probably could have been his twin. so naturally i was thinkin hey your kinda cute and are athletic and are not a total dork. we kinda hung around each other and talked a little but just in a friendly way. i eventually noticed he had left when i went to go get my keys up stairs. but secretly i was having a scenario where he was up there by himself and i walked in and we talked and eventually kissed...yes i know im pathetic. but im okay with that. to my disappointment he was not there and we did not talk and we did not eventually kiss. oh well maybe next time...ha yeah right that was a joke right? no, no it wasnt. anyways. i got my keys and left. on the way home i pulled up at a stop light and a car rolled up next to me i looked over (i also had my windows down and music on) and this mexican guy looked at me while stroking his chin and gave me this almost flirting nod. needless to say i hit the gas as soon as it turned green and checked to see if anyone was following me home. i guess thats the only kind of action im gonna get. sad.

feeling a little empty inside,

Sunday, August 8, 2010

forever=6 days

yes yes yes i know i havent written in foreverrrrrrr. well not forever more like 5 or 6 days but it can seem like forever. i have been busy with two a days and then the scrimage and this was my first day off in a week so yay week one down only two more!! then school starts!! i havent finished my english class yet which is really bad. my mom keeps freaking out but all i have to do is one more lesson and 2 and half more papers and im done. my only problem is i cant ever focus long enough to do much more work then half a lesson and some of a paper. ahhhh well i gotta figure it out and get it done or else im screwed. haley has a new boy. she is talking to garrison which is good because he is a good guy. so yay for her. man im so tired and i have to get up at 7:45 in the morning for volleyball so i need sleep. since ill be done around 3 i can come home and work on english more yays! but for now i must sleep and with english out of the way tomorrow afternoon i will be able to write a more descriptive paragraph of the goes on in my life. i hope.

good day and good night,

p.s. today would have been 3 months...i hurt...hurt bad.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

too much information :]

volleyball started yesterday so i didnt write last night because i needed sleep.

basically what happened sunday is that i texted him and said are you are home? he said yes so i said im coming over to get my stuff. he said okay text me when you get here ill bring it out to you. so i did and i wasnt nice when i was there because he had been making me mad. so then we started texting and i got the chance to say everything i wanted to and now were cool. i think and really hope because i hated all the drama that happened. anyways two a days started and i made my run test... YAY YAY YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and they are actually pretty easy this year and i think mac might even like me! yeah i know im crazy obviously but im having fun so its cool. i want to go back to school very bad. im tired of not having a schedule. i want to get up everyday and put an outfit together and do my make up and then have somewhere to go. ha well im ready. and i have to pee. and im going to sleep.

in desperate need of a bathroom,

Sunday, August 1, 2010

you will have to wait

a lot happened today but its late and im getting up early to run so i will write in full detail tomorrow after i get home and showered.

too awake to sleep,