"...the most important relationship to have is with yourself...because no matter what happens you will always be with yourself."

-Diane Von Furstenberg

Monday, November 22, 2010

message in a bottle

first off....guess what?!............................................you have a boyfriend! yay

well anyways i was thinking today about perfume because ashten l told me i smelled nice so i started thinking about all of my perfume i have worn over the years which made me think of my clinique my mom got me for christmas and how i was missing the bottle. then i remembered. he took it to spray on his pillows so he could smell me before he went to bed. he kept the bottle because it was almost empty. considering i havent talked to him in about a month i texted him and asked if he still had it or thrown it away. he said he thought he threw it away. i mean no big deal its not i like i collect them or anything...but the point it is, is that i texted him and he texted me back. conversation? maybe. the real question is why do i pray every night for God to take him out of my mind when i just go and screw it all up again. i guess i havent really made any progress with that anyways so its not like it matters. yes i do still think about him daily. yes that does make me pathetic. yes i want to cry because of that fact. you said it best so im stealing your words. better yet borrowing them because you can have them back...im just too tragic for my own good.

i need a boy someone to take my mind off of this kid who is constantly in my thoughts. yes i am trying to replace bad feelings with good ones. isnt that what your suppose to do? well if not...tough shit cause thats what im doing.

if i could only find someone to do that with...

pathetically tragically and whole bunch of other synonyms,

Saturday, November 6, 2010


so you know...you took it better than i thought you would i thought it would be like oh my gosh what the hell please tell me this is a sick joke begging me to tell you it wasnt true kind of thing but no you stayed calm. maybe it was the company we were in. maybe it was just well hidden. maybe the shock didnt set in till after. or maybe there was no reaction at all and you already kind of knew, but anyways you do now and i know you have questions so call text message me or write me a letter. i dont care really im over it. over the momentousness of it. it happened. he left. im still here. last time i checked that wasnt changing. so learn and move on right? wrong. kinda...

willingly yours,