"...the most important relationship to have is with yourself...because no matter what happens you will always be with yourself."

-Diane Von Furstenberg

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

ha! this is a joke right?

well no not a joke, but yes it is odd right? me blogging...especially since i havent done it in so long. anyways as i opened my last post with yayyyyyyy you (still) have a boyfriend! hoo-rah! i am thoroughly impressed. congrats and i hope this continues to be a great thing. so as my phone plays great songs right next to me let me open up and pour every event secret and thought that has crossed me in these, well...months. lets get this out of the way first, i dont remember if i told you this or not but i saw him the other day at fish daddys. i always knew it was going to happen there. he was with his new girlfriend and i didnt care. he did not say hi or acknowledged me. i cared. i cried. i texted and called everyone i knew for comfort at a moments notice, and no one was there. so i drove. end of story. it was great wasnt it? im thinking of publishing it and making all of my life decisions based on the success of the book. i have moved on. woohoo. yes! your thinking GOD! finally its been like 9 months. ha yeah it has. and i have realized i dont miss him i miss my boyfriend. the person he was when we were together. yes i do feel completely dumb. yes you can call me dumb to my face. thats fine. i miss the person who missed me any time i wasnt with them. and what really makes this whole realization completely true is that he could be replaced by anyone and it wouldnt matter. HA! it really wouldnt matter. please anyone who wants to want me feel free because i will let you. honest. the one thing i wish someone could answer for me is how many guys would i have had a "thing" with or a relationship with if height wasnt a factor. i have had takers who didnt think height should matter. many have to tried to convince me it shouldnt matter by telling me it didnt matter to them, like that would change my mind. pshhhh amateurs. others who try to make me feel guilty into thinking it doesnt matter. but it does. sorry. i want a guy who i can look up to. literally. and be on my toes when i kiss him instead of leaning down. lets be honest, ive done that before and i hated it. so yeah i dont care what you say or think it matters to me. ive been talking to nathan for a while now, as in just tonight, but for a few hours. he wants to be a gypsy when he grows up. everytime im with my mom i seem to have an unintentional attitude and she knows it. that i have an attitude but not that its unintentional. i feel bad but i feel like everything she does is wrong and annoys me. which is wrong because she does nothing to deserve it. ive always said i wanted the ability to read minds and i still do but i would want to be the only one who could do it because if everyone could then we would have no real privacy and then we would all go insane.

contemplatively yours,

p.s. funny as hell

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