so as you pointed out to me today i havent written since the first day of school. yes boo me. well since that day ive had a tournament which was okay but we went to see inception...easily my favorite movie. oh yeah and i texted him because i found out that he is talking to that jerk that was before me. yeah i know i was pissed. im not mad because he is im mad because i had to find out over facebook and that he didnt want to be friends with her in the first place and now hes talking to her. so i felt like crap and i let him know it. i told him he needed to make an effort to be my friend or we wont be friends because im tired of trying to make it work when it seems like he doesnt want to. he said i was right so we will see how it goes. we didnt have practice today which was awesome so im home 2 hours earlier than normal and im watching gilmore girls so life is pretty darn good. and today is september 1st which means colleges can officially contact me. ive gotten about 12 or 13 emails from uconn, northwestern, sfa, colorado state, leigh, loyla and a couple others. i did realize last night that as much as i tried to deny it at first that the entire purpose of this blog was for him, or more because of him. he made me think, mostly things i couldnt or didnt want to say to him but its okay i could write it on the internet and maybe he would read it and know what i was thinking. bad idea dont ever do it. so what i really got out o f this whole thought process is that because i no longer have him i no longer have anything really to write about. i had an attack of thoughts about him, i didnt want them but i couldnt stop. i think its because sometimes they make me happier but i think if i spend too long on it then i get sad so its almost like i have like this little window of time to think about him before i go into depression mode. i want to be able to stop thinking about him though, i mean obviously he has moved on so why cant i? ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh its so frustrating!!!!!