"...the most important relationship to have is with yourself...because no matter what happens you will always be with yourself."

-Diane Von Furstenberg

Monday, August 16, 2010

heavy stuff for 11:20 at night

well today was slightly more suckish than just okay. i got to sleep in=plus. i had a 4 hour practice=minus. i got to sleep as late as i wanted which was great even though it was only till 8:30 ha yeah i know crazy right? so im awake and no one is home so i eat cereal and watch gilmore girls and then called my mom to see where she was. work. she was at work. duh?! how did i not already know that so i call the chiropractor next because my back has been bothering me and its uncomfortable. she told me to come in right then so i got dressed and thought hey while im out why dont i see if kailey wants to go to lunch and we will get anna to go too well i texted her and she had already eaten. bummer. she told me to text haley because she is feeling a little left out lately so i did. no reply. crap. so i go to freebirds by myself and have comments made about my height literally right behind my back by small children. that irritated me. i got my food and left to eat at home and watch more gilmore girls. then when i finished i got a text from haley saying her phone was dead so we are having lunch tomorrow. by now its about 1:30 and its time to get ready for volleyball because i have practice from 2:30 to 6:30...yay. we watched film the first 30 minutes and then practiced the rest of the time. it sucked. major butt. my knees are huge and bruised and my legs are dead. plus side i did get to go to target and kroger to shop for stuff i needed by myself which gave me some chill time to recover. i felt a lot better afterwards. well i have successfully written a lengthy paragraph about absolutely nothing. bully for me. maybe tomorrow will be more exciting. ha ive got jokes. like tomorrow would be anymore exciting then today. i have lunch with haley and then practice at 3 then a game at 6:30. boo my life is boring and predictable. i want school!!!!!!!! so bad. and someone to talk to. everynight. preferably of the male gender. not to talk to but just to chat. when its a guy i dont know it gives me a less empty feeling. just to know that someone of the opposite sex cares. doesnt even have to be someone i like okay maybe someone i like but not someone im interested in. lets face it honestly now that ive had a taste of the relationship life i dont like single life. i knew i would love it ive always known i would and i do. now that i dont have it i kind of have a sick empty feeling all of the time. and no just because i like having a boyfriend more than not doesnt mean i love him any less. i still do. GOD! is that terrible really? it has to be that someone could do that to me but i still love them in spite of it? i actually thought the other day when he texted me that i was over it and it didnt affect me anymore. wrong. he is still on my mind all day every day. im still thinking about him and being with him all of the time. his hugs kisses and laugh. all of the sweet things he said and the poems he wrote. i miss it. he was/is exactly what i want. the worst part? he doesnt feel that way about me. i dont think he ever did. i think he thought he did because i treated him better than his ex and i was more fun. plus his friends liked me. every one calls him stupid and dont worry he will realize what he lost eventually. thats just it...eventually. eventually could be anytime ever in the world. one where it wouldnt even matter if he did because i wouldnt be there anymore.

well im officially in a sucky mood.

drained, empty, vacant, wanting, dead,

p.s. man that was heavy

p.s.s. 11:20 is the date for state this year...creepy

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