"...the most important relationship to have is with yourself...because no matter what happens you will always be with yourself."

-Diane Von Furstenberg

Sunday, July 11, 2010

too much?

no i didnt write last night because i had people over for the night and i thought i might be rude. so here i am to make up for 2 nights.

kaileys parents went out of town so she spent the night at my house and i invited ashley because i was with her the other night and i had fun so i thought, hey! why not?! so kailey called me and said im hungry lets go to wings n more so i called ashley and said hey kailey wants wings ill come pick you up. as i started to back out of my driveway i didnt swing the back end enough to the right and then over corrected and went into the tree in my driveway. yes i know your thinking wow way to go jack. poor lucy was injured in the proces, her driver side rear view mirror got knocked off...so im out of a car. great. my parents werent that mad they just said we will get it fixed so i mean ill probably have to work it off but it will get fixed. so kailey drove and while at wings ashley got a call about a party. so were like hey why not we can stop by. we were thinking hey yeah party when we got there, there were 3 guys = 2 freshmen and a senior who seemed like a freshman and 2 freshman girls. all sitting in a garage listening to music. now i know what your thinking...your thinking man these kids party hard i want to be them so bad no one is cooler than that. its okay i know how you feel. but we were there for 20 minutes and then came back to my house where i texted him...yes yes i did. i told him we went to a party because i really didnt know what else to call it. he gets mad. no joke. honestly? how do you get mad at me when you broke up with me? were not together so why do you care? he said yeah were not together but i didnt go out and party... to which i say whoa hold up...first off it really wasnt a party there were 5 people there and second do you expect me to continue and sit at home doing nothing but watching tv eating writing in this excessively annoying blog and being depressed!?! man i got so mad. if you care so much what im doing then why the hell are we apart in the first place?! God, i just really dont know anymore im tired of this kind of stuff but im tired of making him apologize too, because thats not my goal and i feel terrible everytime he does it. i mean how the heck am i suppose to win him back if im just being bitchy all the time? im really not trying to be but i dont really know what to do anymore. i just want to talk to him which i tried to last night but he couldnt. which brings me to today...he suppose to call me tonight well soon i hope because its half an hour to midnight...it would be so much better if i knew what he was thinking. if i knew why he feels the way he does. why he would get mad if i went to an attempt of a party. why he says he wants to talk when he ends the conversation 5 minutes into it. and better yet...why is it so hard for me to live a normal life when i dont have him.

God, i love him so much...maybe too much.

perplexedly yours,

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