"...the most important relationship to have is with yourself...because no matter what happens you will always be with yourself."

-Diane Von Furstenberg

Saturday, July 17, 2010

the old messges hurt the most

well we did not go running this morning which means because i had already planned on taking a shower in the morning, i still had to. i cant take showers in the morning it just doesnt work for me. i need the water extra hot because i get so cold and it because it is so hot it makes me tired because its warm and toasty. therefore creating the dilemma of falling asleep in the shower. but on the plus side take a shower in the morning gave me amazing hair i mean honestly i was really annoyed that i had to waste this amazing hair day on helping my sister move. i ended up putting it in a pony tail and pinning my bangs back. total waste. blah. oh well just means ill have to get used to taking showers in the morning for special occasions. we helped my sister move in to her house today and i was right its her 4th house since she has been married. she has been moving every year since 2000. isnt that crazy?! well its a nice house and they are doing a swell job on it and im thinking this house will actually stick and they will stay for a while. thankfully we got to leave around 4. i love my sister and chris but i was really just tired i had been up for a long time and been doing a lot of stuff so i just needed a nap. which is what i did for half the way home. but i got home and texted kailey and we went and ran so it made me feel better that we still got that in. we got 10 tonight in time. made me happy except i would really like my left love handle to stop aching that would be great. kailey said that he got yelled at at work today for not doing the chores he is suppose to do. which is really unlike him, he is normally on top of everything and getting work done. kailey has been saying that he keeps trying to take off and stuff and get people to cover his shifts which also doesnt sound like him. she said she found him sitting in the back texting instead of working which is really really unlike him and she said hes been doing it a lot lately. i just want to know who he was texting and whats going on. it makes me wonder if he really is talking to the smack talking jerk and just not telling me because he doesnt want to upset me. i mean i would be disappointed if they were talking just because he said he was done with her and then he had a two month fling with me and goes back to her after calling her a bitch all the time. im texting him about my stuff tomorrow because i still havent gotten it back and maybe we could hang out as friends because i think im ready to move into the friends stage. i did reread his texts i saved this morning. all of his poems and his feelings and i just think how do you go from saying you are whats makes me happy you are my world your the only one for me all i need is you to be happy to i just want to be friends? thats what doesnt make any sense to me and why i doubted his feelings were ever true. i wrote him a letter that i gave him with all of his stuff when i gave it back and i said that his love must have been a lie because you cant flip like that in 2 weeks. and i guess that hurt him i dont know but its kinda like good im glad that hurt because thats not even close to how bad you hurt me. anyways maybe tomorrow will be good and we can talk and get everything out in the open. sorry anna im sure your tired of hearing this never ending nonsense of my now nondating im still not over my ex boyfriend talk. i just think about him all the time. no joke constantly. one of his messages said your the first one i think of when i wake up and the last one i think of when i fall asleep. that is me right now. i just think what is he doing? is he thinking about me? what im doing? does he miss me? well obviously not because he has made no effort at all to talk to me but apparently hes pretty chatty with someone while he should be working. GAH! im tired of this. atleast there is good music on pandora tonight. probably the best part of my day.

ill fight for you.

questionally yours,

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