overload

challenge day is something we need at our school. the problem? no one at our school would take it seriously. but heres what i would say...

if you really knew me...

...you would know that i laugh when i want to cry. im loud because it makes people laugh and when people laugh they are having fun right? if they are having fun they would want to be around me and like me. then i would have friends. but no thats not how i am. if you really knew me you would know that im not comfortable with how i am. i mean i like being tall sometimes but i get made fun of for it. some people come up and say man i wish i was that tall but they dont really. if they knew how everything is different for me. i get called a beast a giant a monster, it hurts. my mom tries to tell me oh they are jealous, no thats not it. they could care less how tall they are. im tired of it all im tired of walking down the hall and have people say man look at her she is huge. people say im fat. and thats something ive always had to work on and ive always been insecure about. so throwing it back in my face is low.

maybe thats why im so focused on him still. normally i would deal with it and it would be done and move on. but i think its because he saw me for me and not my appearance. i was accepted by him and i dont want to loose that. and i feel like i am.

im tired now and dont really know what im talking about. so goodnight.

too many thoughts to process,
Jack