"...the most important relationship to have is with yourself...because no matter what happens you will always be with yourself."

-Diane Von Furstenberg

Friday, July 2, 2010


last night i could not fall asleep. i was up until about two in the morning thinking. i have this problem often so it wasnt that big of deal but it was the things i was thinking about that made it more frustrating. everything in the last post was on my mind how it made him feel after reading it, how it made me feel, and how it made last nights phone call end. but i eventually fell asleep and woke up around 9:30 or 10, ate a bowl of Reeces Puffs and watched two movies with my mom only pausing in between to eat lunch. then my mother took me to the beloved, at least by me, sprint store. i then found out that i could possibly be getting an amazing new phone called the EVO and im really super excited about it. ah!! you have no idea i live to get new phones, its an obsession really. then my dad came home and we told him all we learned about the phone situation and he wasnt completely disappointed so we went to dinner and he agreed to go back to the sprint store to purchase my mother a phone which is like the one i want but smaller. this would give me the chance to see if i wanted the phone i want and wait or get that one and get it now. when we got there though it was closed. check this out...it closes at 8...we got there at 8:02 and the door was locked. i was soooooooo mad.

i told my mom though that i felt normal. all day i did. unlike what i said yesterday about being sad or mad all the time and on the brink of tears 24/7. and it was refreshing really, getting back to the old me.

my parents did make a wrong move tonight though. my dad apparently got wind of me wanting to quit volleyball and he wanted to know why. then my mom started to ask if i had gotten over that yet like it was some kind of phase i was just making up to get out of something. i told him mom always says im so mentally strong but my mental stability has gone down since the beginning of sophomore year. then he proceeded to tell me that playing volleyball was the only way i would get into college. they havent saved up and money for it. i have no college money at all. none in existence. so basically i cant stop playing. im not allowed to. great. fan-freaking-tastic.

because i wouldnt be the weirdly obsessed girlfriend i am. okay im not obsessed but i mean i just like to talk about him. i would be worried if i didnt. i havent seen him at all today...hmmm, lets start there...which is strange because we normally see each other everyday. maybe thats why i started to feel the way i did yesterday. i love the kid i really do and i always said i could spend every waking minute with him and never get tired; but, i might have lied. and if your reading this right now and your sticking your lip out at me and are about to send me a text with a sad face in it, just stop because you know you couldnt do that with me either. and im okay with that because i know i getting annoying but hey thats me and i work it. ha well i like to think i do...ohhhh. anyways this whole not being together all day might just be good in the end because i really want to be with him right now.

i dont get it. when im fine you think something is wrong. when i tell you nothing is wrong, you think im lying. when you think im lying, theres something wrong. when theres something wrong, i dont let it show. when i try and let it show, you dont see it. when you dont see it, theres really something wrong.

just a thought.

averagely yours,

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