weary

again i didnt write last night because i had friends over....

well he answered those questions...i cried for about 2 hours. its over. kailey did give me some advice she said that this same thing happened to her and her boyfriend but she gave him space, she didnt text him didnt talk to him at all and he realized that he missed her and it was just a weird thing that happened and they are back together. so i guess that gives me some hope that maybe it will happen for me. i gave all of his stuff back including everything he gave me because it reminded me of him too much. it hurt. it would just sit there and mock me about all of the good times we had and how i lost him and its not going to happen again....the thing is i really cant write about this because its already been a day and ive kind of forced him from my mind. dont get me wrong hes always on my mind but its more of i refuse to dwell on it. today wasnt hard either i didnt have to fight myself about texting him i never really wanted to, now if he had texted me i would have texted him back but it wasnt a constant fight like the way it was before. so now im done talking about it ive dedicated too much of this blog to him and only him and that was not the purpose of it. hes not apart of my life the way he was before so he wont be apart of my blog the way he was before.

i finally had kailey and haley spend the night last night, hence the no post, and granted we didnt stay up as late we still had fun. it was good doing something that we havent done in so long. especially since it used to be a ritual, sleepovers every other weekend, rotating houses of course. but now i sit here because i got 4 hours of sleep and that doesnt really work with me. plus kailey and i drove around the world and back searching the obviously nonexistent by the success of our mission, antenna balls for our cars. so that contributed to my exhaustion as well. in addition to that im only half way through my 3rd lesson of my 9 lesson English class so obviously i need to work on it. which i planned on doing tomorrow but my dad said he wants me to work tomorrow. i need money because i currently have 1 dollar in my wallet which im pretty sure i promised to kailey to pay her back for something, but its almost like i want to say no i need to work on my English work because i wont get it done. UGH! well now im very tired and its getting more difficult to type so goodnight my avid readers....HA!! yeah thats funny! i say that like theres a whole lot of people hahaha i only know of 4 people besides myself that read it...so goodnight anna because im pretty sure your really the only person who really does keep up with it. thanks for listening to my venting/feelings/hysterics.

ill fight for you.

pathetically yours,
Jack